I'm having an emotional affair behind my wife's back?

My wife is a beautiful woman and she can attract a lot of attention especially from men. We've been married for two years and have no children. Men flirt with her and she doesn't make an effort to stop it. Should I have to tell her I don't like men flirting with her? She says it's nothing serious, just joking around. I understand that flirting won't hurt anyone - to a certain extent. Now I am starting to resent my wife for not really understanding how I feel.





In July, I met a woman when I was working as a teacher at summer school. We got close and we ended up working together full time at a high school in September. Over the past few months, my wife has been busy with her things and I try to understand because she loves what she does. My colleague and I have gotten so close. It's so obvious we have feelings for each other. I never wanted this, but it happened. She knows I have a wife and I know she has a fiancee. We haven't announced how we feel to each other because we really don't need to. School's out right now so I haven't seen her since last week. I want to see her so bad, but I am a married man. I keep telling myself I am a married man and I love my wife. Everytime I do this, I feel like I am trying to convince myself of something else.





What do I do?I'm having an emotional affair behind my wife's back?
That's how cheating starts when there is no transparency in a marriage. You failed to communicate with your wife how you felt about her behavior, bottled it up inside you and got attracted to another woman. This is definitely cheating. If you told your wife you didn't like her flirting with other men and how you felt about it, she might not continue it.





Now you have to ask yourself what do you really want. If you are still unhappy after she changes her behavior, then you should get a divorce and flirt with other women. But stop cheating while you're still married to her.





By the way, you said that the other woman has a fiance, so she is cheating too. If you're really unhappy, talk about it, if still it doesn't work, get a divorce and find a good woman, with no strings attached.I'm having an emotional affair behind my wife's back?
and what has happened between you and this other woman, is the exact reason why you don't want her flirting with other men!





we ladies sometimes have trouble accepting the fact that our men actually do have feelings, unlike the masculinity that's upfront. if i were you, i'd print her this post and show it to her. obviously she didn't hear you the first time...





...and if she doesn't hear it this time, then you'll have some decisions to make.





good luck.
i can't believe i'm referencing drphil.. but.. he says do not start another relationship until you finish the one you are in.





you and your wife have problems - resolve them one way or another


if you split up, then you can pursue this chick


if you stay together, you wont want to pursue this chick





good luck
If you really love your wife, why do you have to keep trying to convince yourself that you do?....If you really love someone, you don't just think that you love them...you know you love them......GOOD LUCK........BE HAPPY.....LIFE'S TOO SHORT........
the other woman sounds like a perfect match maybe you should give her a chance all is fair in love and war don't wait until you have kids with your wife and decide to leave
Stop seeing this woman. You DO NOT have to hang with her for work.





That is, if you give a rat's butt about your marriage.
Stop it before it goes any further and you can't turn back.
AW! You have a crush:)





Now you have to never talk to her again until you both are over it. Sorry.
Change schools and don't have any more contact with her.
Talk to your wife and keep it in your pants
I like Just Me's answer. How very sweet of her to share that with you. That's very generous.
ACT like you're a married man, that's what you do.
talk to your wife about it.
I agree with 2275c ~
nothin stupid
When you married your wife - what sort of things did you promise her in your vows? Of course most people now don't think honesty is important- perhaps you're in that category. Is a promise only worth keeping if you feel like it? Your question is nicely worded to make others feel sorry for you and forgive your behavior. Example: ';Men flirt with her and she doesn't make an effort to stop it'; or ';My wife has been busy with her things and I try to understand because she loves what she does';


If someone is feeling lonely, left out, or unappreciated in a marriage they should not sit back and feel sorry for themselves (and let someone else fill up their void)-- Be Proactive! ';Flirt'; with her (instead of letting other guys)- compliment her- behave how you did when you wanted HER. Don't allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself and let that be the determining factor in continuing this ';emotional affair.'; Love is a Choice- a decision, not a feeling.


Of course if that's the kind of guy you are (unfaithful, someone who gives up easily, one who promises something that he doesn't care to follow through on, etc...) then sure-- continue with this affair. You're the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror everyday.


I hardly ever get on somebody's case like this-- I'm not trying to be nasty or mean. I know it sounds like it, but I encourage you to take a step back and look at what you've been doing for the past months objectively. Just because you hook up with someone else doesn't guarantee you happiness in the next relationship. No one person can totally meet all the needs (emotionally speaking) of anyone else. I'm sure the woman who you are currently attracted to is very lovely, I'm quite sure there are some redeeming qualities in your wife too, otherwise you wouldn't have married her.
Trust me if you do her now, you'll both in some way lose respect for each other. She will lose some respect for you for doing her while married, and you will lose some respect for her for doing a married man. You may not admit it now, the ';flame'; is providing a ';healthy'; dose of denial, but in the end it will happen. Then further down the line if you are married to this woman, she at least will wonder if you would ever cheat on her, since you cheated once while married. Also, don't forget, in the end, you're the one who is in control of your own life. You can choose to stick by your wife regardless of other temptations and take pride in the fact that you are loyal to your wife. You can choose to decide your marriage was a mistake and you would be much happier with this woman. In the end it's up to you and only YOU know whether this new woman is someone you think you would be forever happy with or whether she is someone you're physically attractive to but wouldn't be able to be faithful to in th end. Only you know the kind of person you are, how easily it comes to you to break vows you made and how seriously you would take next vows. Good luck.
This is not good, because if your wife finds out, she will never trust you again! Is this really worth it losing everything you have and want? This is just an infatuation your going through SO SNAP OUT OF IT! and don't be an idiot! during this vacation time clear your mind of her and start a new with your wife get the passion back this Christmas and go back a new man. My question to you is; why would you want a women that is willing to commit adultery and hurt the man she is promised to? check her character their is something wrong with any women that will go after a married man, and do you really want someone like that? I think its just lust of the flash your going for. as for her, she sounds like bad news! in a pretty package ( BOOM!) :(
Is it really worth it? If your marriage means anything to you, then you won't let this go any further. If this is just a silly crush, get over it - you need to pick who is most important to you, and that should be your wife. Just tell yourself that under no circumstances will you ever let this become more than a friendship, and tell yourself that everytime you think of the other woman.
Okay, I will tell you my story and you pick up from it whatever advice you need... I am a 19 year old college student and I started working at a private gym back in March... I met this wonderful 27 year old man, and, tentatively, we began to fall for each other... He had been with his wife in a relationship for 10 years and married for 2 years... He never imagined he could fall in love with someone else. I, having been brought up with very high morals and having attended church all my life, never thought it was possible that I would fall for a married guy. We both did... Hard. We started seeing each other more, because he always said he felt the way he felt for a reason and he didn't want to let go without figuring out why it was that we were feeling that way... So we became closer each and every day... Then one day his wife found out... It made matters very complicated as she told his entire family and everything got very messy. Everything was dragged on for about 3 months before she finally moved out of the house... Now they are separated and our relationship is stronger than ever. He is planning on getting a divorce, and although we are not proud of the way our relationship started based on deceit, we understand that we are very much in love. I wouldn't trade him for the world and it has been a very hard year for the both of us... Emotionally draining and our relationship has been tested quite a bit... But we keep holding on. What I have to say to you is that it all depends if you think it'll be worth it... What my boyfriend regrets is having kept it from her and her finding out the way she did. Try to always come clean so things are as least complicated as possible... Remember the saying: What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive. Good luck to you, and just be careful, patient, and safe....
You are not a bad man. You are simply human...therefore, imperfect.





Be careful here. The fact you know this is not right, and will lead to a lot of stress and drama is clear in your post. You are not some immature 19 year old who has no experience...You are playing with fire- and you know it!





Listen...We all make mistakes, and many times we end up in places we never thought we'd go to. But I really think you need to decide what it is you want.





If you want to remain married, talk to your wife, tell her to stop flirting and tell her how you feel when she does it. Go to counseling- both by yourself and as a couple.





If you feel your resentment and anger have reached a level that cannot be undone, then figure out if you are willing to work on making the relationship work- or not. If you don't love or trust your wife anymore, then get a divorce.





But do not continue to see this other woman for now. She is also in a relationship, and this is also hard for her. If you two are meant to be together, you will feel it and you will both work on ending your mutual relationships first.





Good luck.
hmm... well if you are uncomfortable with your wife flirting then that was the first red flag to do something about saving your marriage. But you chose to ignore it... and shame on you for that.


Every relationship is different, just because other people say flirting is not a big deal does not deem it ';ok'; to do it in your marriage... if you were uncomfortable with it and started to build resentment against her for it, then you should have taken the first step to resolving your marital problems.





Instead you decided to sit on that resentment and use it as an excuse to look elsewhere for attention. There is no one to blame here but you... absolutely your responsbility to take care of your marriage and express your feelings and your needs to your wife. Do you think she is a mindreader?





You suck!
I would suggest talking to your wife about this. If you had done that in the first place, she would have gotten to understand how you feel. I don't think seeing other men flirt with her is cause for finding another woman. Sounds like an excuse to make you feel less guilty about what your doing. If you had communicated with your wife about feeling neglected or that you needed more quality time together, she would be able to know what your needing. Instead you have kept it to yourself, and allowed yourself to fall for someone else. And emotional intimacy is worse that the physical almost. Like you said, you are a married man, though not acting like it. You need to discuss the WHOLE situation with your wife and start being honest now, while you still have a chance to salvage your marriage.
First don't make excuses for what you're feeling. ';other men'; flirting with your wife is not an excuse for allowing yourself to feel anything for another person. If you truly love your wife you would distance yourself from temptation. On top of everything she's also engaged.. you both might just like each others attention and company but if you truly love your wife you'll let those feelings fade away because it's only calling for trouble. Just because you're not necessarily happy or comfortable with what you have at home, doesn't mean that an affair will make things better... ';she'; (your colleague) is not better than your wife.. you just don't live with her. Talk to your wife and let her know what you're feeling, that you feel you need more attention and try new things, you might even find that she feels the same way. Good luck!
Obviously you both need a little more attention. She flirts with other guys to get this attention and you get the attention from this other woman. Maybe you and your wife need to spend some extra time together and have a romantic day. Wine and dine, rent a hotel room (just so you won't be in the same place you have always been). It will mix it up and make things a little more interesting. Bubble bath, roses, candles, red wine. No fighting, or talking about work. Just a whole day dedicated to you two.
that's a tough one because it is hard to convince the heart of something it already has its mind set on,,,,,so talk to your colleague about it...i mean it might be something you just have to let go of....will she be willing to end the engagement and will you be willing to get a divorce,,,you need to figure out what the both of you want and if risking everything will be worth it or is it just a ';you want what you cant have';? and once you have it you wont want it anymore????
There are only a couple solutions to this dilemma sweetie. One is that you tell your wife what's been going on and more importantly, what you feel led to this situation. In order for anything to work, the 2 of you need to commit to marriage counseling and re-commit to the marriage. The marriage counseling will improve your communication skills, make your marriage a priority, and force you two to talk about any issues you're having. My guess is that this other woman offers nothing that your wife doesn't have really - it's just that you have a deeper emotional issue going on with your wife, but instead of facing it, you've chosen to immerse yourself in this other woman. The other option is for you to ask yourself WHY you even allowed this to happen and whether or not you truly want to salvage your r'ship. If the answer is no, then I think you have your answer. But really, I don't think divorce is the right option here. You love your wife, she loves you but the 2 of you just haven't dealt well with the emotional issues you're having. This other woman isn't the answer. In order to give your r'ship a fighting chance, you MUST either transfer schools or insist on teaching in a different part of the school so you don't see her. Seeing her everyday is what has led to this situation.
Are you sure you just don't like this women because she is paying alot of attention to you? Proceed with caution here. Once you cross that line, you can't uncross it. Im aware that you know this so think, think, think!





What your wife does (flirting) is wrong. Especially since she knows it bothers so much but, what you are doing is worse. She openly flirts with other men, you are doing ';something'; behind her back. It is absolutely wrong if you can't tell your spouse about it.





You owe it to yourself and your wife to talk openly about this. Try everything. Counseling if you must. Marriage is supposed to be forever, not until something better comes around.





Good luck to you two.
Honestly, you need to man up a bit. Stop blaming your wife for your actions. It sounds like to me, that you allowed things to develop with the other woman and trying to blame it on your wife's flaws to justify yourself.





You need to decide whether you want your marriage to work or pursue things with this other woman. If you want to work it out with your wife then start being honest with her, and keep contact with the other woman strictly professional. I bet she isn't a mind reader so how is she supposed to know what she does bothers you if you do not tell her? You can't expect your marriage to be successful if you don't work at it. And yes you do need to tell her that her flirting bothers you, not everyone would be upset over that. You resent your wife for something that you haven't been clear about.





If you want to pursue this relationship with the other woman then you need to break things off with your wife. But you sound very petty and a bit of a pussy. It doesn't seem like you genuinely want this other woman, but just trying to go tit for tat with your wife to show her other women want you too. Be honest with yourself, and proactive about improving your relationship.
You go home to your wife, and make things work. You don't make vows to someone, then chase after someone else. That's a good way to wind up having one of them cut off your man parts. Seriously, women can be crazy when you treat them badly.


Transfer schools and stay as far away from this other woman as possible!


Honestly, you're whining because some guy flirts with your wife %26amp; yet you don't see a problem with putting yourself in a situation where you're trying to get with someone else?? Really? You know what it feels like, and you're doing it anyway. What's WRONG with you??
just bang her once to get it out of the system. I know thats what you want you just needed someone to say it. Go get her Tiger!!